I Think I Stunk A Stench

Gather round my readers and i will tell you a tale of great truth and stench.
Today at work, i was doing my usually job, being the company serf (which isn't as much fun as surfing i found out) by stringing chips when something strange and disgusting happened. As i was cut off from the rest of the group, i can only imagine what really happened, but i think i have a pretty good idea... Lucifer, possibly disguised as Chris, the FedEx guy, waltzed in the front door like Chris always does, knowing that we wouldn't think twice about his presence. Then he walked straight into the bathroom and took a dump. I'm not talking about "I think i'll sit on the toilet for a while and see what happens" kind of dump, i'm talking about "I just had the Rio for breakfast, lunch and dinner" kind of dump. Then he flushed the toilet and went about his normal routine.
Meanwhile, i was still downstairs, and it was then that i heard a sound much like a farty and bloated volcano coming from the sink. I don't know how Lucifer's crap could have gotten from the upstairs toilet to the downstairs sink, but let me tell you, within 7 seconds of that noise, i smelled something so foul, i started gagging and i had to leave the room to get some air. When i got a breath, i went back in to investigate, but couldn't stand the stink more than a couple seconds, even while breathing through my shirt. Now let me tell you, this smell smelled something like a mix between... well, crap for one, plus wet dog, burning rubber, and natural gas.
Naturally, i ran away from the smell and found myself upstairs, and since if i just said there was a stinky stink downstairs, everyone wouldn't think it was that bad since it always stinks wherever i go, so i grabbed Kevin and took him downstairs with me. He took one whiff and was running. He said i farted, but i tell you dear readers, such a smell could not be produced be human ass.
Well, i think you get the picture. I never found out what it was, and i moved all my stuff upstairs and kept working, but i may never be able to enter the basement again.