Learning to smile

Alright, if you're not ready for a bunch of sentimental bullshit, then you can just go on without reading this, cause well, i'm a sentimental guy. And i feel the need to write sentimental bullshit. But recently, most people have been saying that i'm a downright grumpy motherfucker, and for the whole part, they're right. I really try to be happy. I do everything from taking naps to drinking green tea, and working out to release all those bad endorphines or whatever might make you mad. But I think i found the root of the problem recently.

My ex, lori, is back in town again. Now, I don't talk about her a whole lot to you folk, but just recently i found out that she's kind of engaged. Not fully, just kinda. As in, in the works. Now... this really bothers me because, so you get the full story, back when we broke up, we didn't break up because we were mad at each other or anything, but because she was going into the marines. The stupid thing is that when we broke up, it was at the point where we said "alright, it's kind of at the point where we break up and see what happens when we go our separate ways, or we get married." Still being in high school, it's a little bit hard to even take yourself seriously when you say that, even though i was totally ready to do the latter, but i just didn't have the means or the edge on the situation.

So, as you know, she took off to the marines. I didn't like the choice, since i mostly hate the military, but i knew that if that's what she wanted to do, then that was that. But then i realized that for the most part, not really having closure on the whole situation with her really fucked up most of my other realtionships with girls, and mostly left me sad because i'd also lost one of my best friends. It's not to say i never talked to her, or tried to get her back, but because of just some shitty luck and all, there was several times where i was basically right next to her, but never got to see her.

Then i heard about this boy she was dating, and i didn't think too much of it, since i knew they would be moved to different camps and whatnot, but when he ended up flying across the country to see her, i tried doing the same when i was in california to make one last stand, but never got to see her because shit just went wrong again. And now that she's home again, it's hard for me to not try to get back what we had before, because it's affected me so much for so long. With the latest news, i've basically just been feeling morose that i couldn't do more now, and that i couldn't do more to keep her here back when we were together.

A wise guy once said that it takes just as long to get over a relationship, as it took for the realtionship to... take place or something like that, so i could either wait longer, or take this chance now that she's home to get some kind of closure in the relationship, whatever kind it may be, once and for all. I just have to find a reason for me to stop liking her. And her getting engaged is a poor excuse.