Part 1: Christmas Eve

I have this idea that sometime in the coming week, I'll recap my entire Christmas vacation right here, but I get the feeling that I'll get about halfway through and give up. It'll probably come mid-sentence, like "so she's spinning around the pole half-naked when... man, this really sucks... I'm bored", so if that happens I'm sorry. The only reason I put such a goal forward is because I had an AWESOME Christmas vacation and so much great stuff happened that I want to share it all with you. Maybe it's best that I just begin at the beginning, with Christmas Eve, and the start of my vacation.

OK, now that I've started, it actually started much farther back. When I was still in the States, I met this guy Dylan from Australia and after some drinks and some talking, he invited me over to his house in Sydney for Christmas since I wouldn't be able to make it back to the States for Christmas. I was really stoked to have somewhere to be, but as the time got closer, Colorado didn't want Dylan to leave, and he got snowed in and couldn't fly out of Denver for a couple days. Since it was such late notice, I had already booked my flight down there, so I had to spend Christmas with Dylan's family alone, who I had never even met.

I wasn't nervous, really, since I had met so many new people in the past 2 months, but I just figured it would be 2 full days of awkwardness before Dylan got back. Not so, dear reader! I had an amazing time with them, and why wouldn't I? They were all so nice and funny. His brother Myles and I are about the same age, and we had a lot in common. His parents were really accommodating and they really did help me feel at home. But no sooner had I even sat down then they started telling me about going to their relatives house that night. We all hopped in the car and started driving across town, the whole time they were trying to describe to me how disfunctional their family was.

They told me about how everyone there were pretty much alcoholics. There's the grandma who digs into the schnapps. The aunt that "molests" all the young men that Dylan and Myles bring over. The grandpa that's 90 years old, losing his hearing, but sticking in there. The Austrian relatives that have no sense of humor, and the little kids that are supposedly little hell-raisers.

But even when I got there, everyone welcomed me with open arms. I sat down and met everyone, and started having a few drinks before we started dinner. I couldn't believe it. It was sooo good. We ate and ate and drank and drank. Instead of saying grace, we popped party poppers, and scratched lotto cards. The food was all delicious, and the potato salad... oh the potato salad. They got me hooked. Then one of their neighbors brought out a couple bottles of wine. They tell me he is THE man to talk to when it comes to wine, and he starts us off with a nice mix of white and red, then after dinner he gets out the Grange. Everyone talks about this like it's the holy grail of wine, but I had never heard of it (me with my extensive wine knowledge). They pour me a little and I go through the steps. Swirl it, sniff it, take the gum out of my mouth... I finally drink it and swish it around and it's delicious. Definitely the best wine I've ever tasted. Then he tells me it's only $400 a bottle. Oh. Good on ya. So that was probably my last brush with wine that good.

After everyone was good and buzzing, we sat down in the living room and started opening presents. It was great watching everyone open their presents. Their grandpa got a cellphone (at his request), then they took the next 30 minutes trying to tell him how to use it, even though he still couldn't hear it when it rang with all the commotion. They even gave me some presents! How nice. I especially liked Dylan's friend Snoop's gift, which was a condom tied to a can of beer. It's really the gift for all occasions.

When everyone was done, the night started to wind down, and slowly people left, including us. I managed to escape with only a minor ass grab from their aunt Marion, and we made it home safely even though half the people in the car were more than a little drunk and disorderly. It was a Christmas celebration to remember for sure. It was pretty much the complete opposite of what I'm used to, but I had so much fun, I'll forgive them for disgracing the true meaning of Christmas. Just kidding. They're Australians. They're there to have fun.

More to come!