R.I.P.PED to shreds

The call came early in the morning. 8:33 to be exact. That's early to me. The call sounded urgent, so I knew I had to get to Henry first. I called him up, and like me, he still sounded only half awake. God this job is a drag. I told Henry to pack up his shit and get ready to go. I'd pick him up in 7 minutes.

The call came from a nice little lady over at Prospect and Shields. Something was in her house and she wanted it out. That's when people come to us. We exterminate. Henry and I rolled up and grabbed out shit out of the back of the truck. We knocked on the door, but there was no reply. We tried again, then came a cry of help from inside. The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The place was quiet. The lady that had called and her lesbian partner were cuddled up on the counter, embracing each other. Their nightgowns were ripped in a suggestive manner, almost falling off their bodies.

"Thank you so much for coming, I'm the one that called. I'm Me..."
"No time for introductions," I said, "We got some vermin to kill."

We headed towards the back of the apartment, and found out rather quickly where it... whatever it was... was hiding. The closet door was smashed in around the bottom, a hole left where it had slammed through the door, trying desperately to escape the lady... whatever her name was... and her broom of death. So we knew that it was scared, but it might also be back there, like a cobra, ready to strike at whatever came after it.

Henry opened up his pack and pulled out some blankets, and started sealing off the hallway; we were trapping ourselves in with it. Meanwhile, I started taking measurments of the hole in the door, trying to figure out just what the hell we were dealing with. When the preperations were complete, we readied ourselves with our baseball bats of justice, and pulled the closet door open. It was small, and most likely supposed to be used for a washer and dryer combo, though these were nowhere to be found. God I hope those dikes wash their clothes somehow. Instead, the closet was full of boxes, piled full of leftover junk they couldn't find space for anywhere else in the house. Or they just didn't want anyone to see these antique pieces of shit.

We started rummaging through the boxes. Kicking things aside, trying to find our next victim.

There he was.

We didn't find it in a corner, quivering, but rather... it attacked. It jumped at Henry, and clung to his face. Before I could even tell what it was, blood sprayed everywhere. I shielded my eyes, trying not to catch the AIDS that Henry had, but when the spray stopped, I looked back, and Henry's head was gone. Just gone. I saw the thing run back towards the bedrooms. It broke through the barriers we had set up, and was gone. It appeared to be some kind of raccoon with wings, and it had bird like feet. Talons. I started to run the other way, I too, breaking through the other barrier. Before the dikes could even ask what had happened, I pulled them off the counter and dragged them out of their apartment behind me.

Once safe, I knew there was no going back in, or I wouldn't be coming back out again. There was only one thing to do. I went to the truck and grabbed the pack of dynamite. I told the dikes to get into the truck and wait for me, as I went back up to the front door. I lit a match on the scruff of my chin, and lit the dynamite. Not just one stick, and whole fuckin' roll. I creaked the door open, and just tossed the package of death into the apartment. Take that you fuckin' demon. I walked away in slow motion as the apartment exploded behind me.

I went back to the dikes in the truck. Don't worry, I gave them a place to stay.

So there it was. The end of a friendship, brought to me by the hands of, what I can only assume to be... Satan himself.