Nov 18, 2005
I've Gotten Used To It
I don't know how many of you read the Collegian, but if you do, you probably noticed the full page article on the people that are trying to open a hookah bar in Fort Collins. I swear, every time I think, someone is watching me. I can't do anything without someone stealing my ideas. Of course, the article was about them maybe not being able to open because the city won't let them, but still. This, my friends, is why I sit on my ass a lot. No one would want to copy me then. Right?
Nov 17, 2005
Some set writers
What a fun day! Since I didn't have work or school, I went to Mervyn's in the mall cause I'd seen that they were closing and were having a big sale. It was disappointing when I got there, though. Most of the stuff was 25% off tops. I almost never buy clothes there, and when I looked I remembered why. I almost felt like I was in a thrift store. I hate the style of their clothes. You might like it, though, so I'll stop. After that, I got a half pound of gummy worms, and then went to the arcade to spend some of my change. First of all, I noticed that the name of it had changed again, and when I walked in, everything still seemed pretty lame, but then I looked at some of the games. Holy shit!
They had the original arcade version of Sunsetriders. Now, this might not excite most of you, but Mitch, I gotta say, it was awesome. Horseback levels and everything. We gotta go play that during Thanksgiving break. Then I saw the line of probably about 10 different pinball machines. I tried out the monster bash one, and I was amazed that I had forgotten about these machines, like most of the population. It was outstanding. I got it going with three different balls at once and everything. Wow. I was so happy to see some of those classic games. Then I even played Silent Scope, which is also becoming one of my favorite games, after I "tested it for quality" one day at work.
After that, I went frisbee golfing and then to Super Wal-mart to get my pictures developed. My god, I'm such a terrible photographer. Most of the pictures were taken in the dark and when I was drunk, but even some of the ones that I took when I wasn't drunk were really off center and crappy looking. Meh, I'm not gonna be a photographer when I grow up anyways.
They had the original arcade version of Sunsetriders. Now, this might not excite most of you, but Mitch, I gotta say, it was awesome. Horseback levels and everything. We gotta go play that during Thanksgiving break. Then I saw the line of probably about 10 different pinball machines. I tried out the monster bash one, and I was amazed that I had forgotten about these machines, like most of the population. It was outstanding. I got it going with three different balls at once and everything. Wow. I was so happy to see some of those classic games. Then I even played Silent Scope, which is also becoming one of my favorite games, after I "tested it for quality" one day at work.
After that, I went frisbee golfing and then to Super Wal-mart to get my pictures developed. My god, I'm such a terrible photographer. Most of the pictures were taken in the dark and when I was drunk, but even some of the ones that I took when I wasn't drunk were really off center and crappy looking. Meh, I'm not gonna be a photographer when I grow up anyways.
Nov 11, 2005
R.I.P.PED to shreds
The call came early in the morning. 8:33 to be exact. That's early to me. The call sounded urgent, so I knew I had to get to Henry first. I called him up, and like me, he still sounded only half awake. God this job is a drag. I told Henry to pack up his shit and get ready to go. I'd pick him up in 7 minutes.
The call came from a nice little lady over at Prospect and Shields. Something was in her house and she wanted it out. That's when people come to us. We exterminate. Henry and I rolled up and grabbed out shit out of the back of the truck. We knocked on the door, but there was no reply. We tried again, then came a cry of help from inside. The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The place was quiet. The lady that had called and her lesbian partner were cuddled up on the counter, embracing each other. Their nightgowns were ripped in a suggestive manner, almost falling off their bodies.
"Thank you so much for coming, I'm the one that called. I'm Me..."
"No time for introductions," I said, "We got some vermin to kill."
We headed towards the back of the apartment, and found out rather quickly where it... whatever it was... was hiding. The closet door was smashed in around the bottom, a hole left where it had slammed through the door, trying desperately to escape the lady... whatever her name was... and her broom of death. So we knew that it was scared, but it might also be back there, like a cobra, ready to strike at whatever came after it.
Henry opened up his pack and pulled out some blankets, and started sealing off the hallway; we were trapping ourselves in with it. Meanwhile, I started taking measurments of the hole in the door, trying to figure out just what the hell we were dealing with. When the preperations were complete, we readied ourselves with our baseball bats of justice, and pulled the closet door open. It was small, and most likely supposed to be used for a washer and dryer combo, though these were nowhere to be found. God I hope those dikes wash their clothes somehow. Instead, the closet was full of boxes, piled full of leftover junk they couldn't find space for anywhere else in the house. Or they just didn't want anyone to see these antique pieces of shit.
We started rummaging through the boxes. Kicking things aside, trying to find our next victim.
There he was.
We didn't find it in a corner, quivering, but rather... it attacked. It jumped at Henry, and clung to his face. Before I could even tell what it was, blood sprayed everywhere. I shielded my eyes, trying not to catch the AIDS that Henry had, but when the spray stopped, I looked back, and Henry's head was gone. Just gone. I saw the thing run back towards the bedrooms. It broke through the barriers we had set up, and was gone. It appeared to be some kind of raccoon with wings, and it had bird like feet. Talons. I started to run the other way, I too, breaking through the other barrier. Before the dikes could even ask what had happened, I pulled them off the counter and dragged them out of their apartment behind me.
Once safe, I knew there was no going back in, or I wouldn't be coming back out again. There was only one thing to do. I went to the truck and grabbed the pack of dynamite. I told the dikes to get into the truck and wait for me, as I went back up to the front door. I lit a match on the scruff of my chin, and lit the dynamite. Not just one stick, and whole fuckin' roll. I creaked the door open, and just tossed the package of death into the apartment. Take that you fuckin' demon. I walked away in slow motion as the apartment exploded behind me.
I went back to the dikes in the truck. Don't worry, I gave them a place to stay.
So there it was. The end of a friendship, brought to me by the hands of, what I can only assume to be... Satan himself.
The call came from a nice little lady over at Prospect and Shields. Something was in her house and she wanted it out. That's when people come to us. We exterminate. Henry and I rolled up and grabbed out shit out of the back of the truck. We knocked on the door, but there was no reply. We tried again, then came a cry of help from inside. The door was unlocked so we let ourselves in. The place was quiet. The lady that had called and her lesbian partner were cuddled up on the counter, embracing each other. Their nightgowns were ripped in a suggestive manner, almost falling off their bodies.
"Thank you so much for coming, I'm the one that called. I'm Me..."
"No time for introductions," I said, "We got some vermin to kill."
We headed towards the back of the apartment, and found out rather quickly where it... whatever it was... was hiding. The closet door was smashed in around the bottom, a hole left where it had slammed through the door, trying desperately to escape the lady... whatever her name was... and her broom of death. So we knew that it was scared, but it might also be back there, like a cobra, ready to strike at whatever came after it.
Henry opened up his pack and pulled out some blankets, and started sealing off the hallway; we were trapping ourselves in with it. Meanwhile, I started taking measurments of the hole in the door, trying to figure out just what the hell we were dealing with. When the preperations were complete, we readied ourselves with our baseball bats of justice, and pulled the closet door open. It was small, and most likely supposed to be used for a washer and dryer combo, though these were nowhere to be found. God I hope those dikes wash their clothes somehow. Instead, the closet was full of boxes, piled full of leftover junk they couldn't find space for anywhere else in the house. Or they just didn't want anyone to see these antique pieces of shit.
We started rummaging through the boxes. Kicking things aside, trying to find our next victim.
There he was.
We didn't find it in a corner, quivering, but rather... it attacked. It jumped at Henry, and clung to his face. Before I could even tell what it was, blood sprayed everywhere. I shielded my eyes, trying not to catch the AIDS that Henry had, but when the spray stopped, I looked back, and Henry's head was gone. Just gone. I saw the thing run back towards the bedrooms. It broke through the barriers we had set up, and was gone. It appeared to be some kind of raccoon with wings, and it had bird like feet. Talons. I started to run the other way, I too, breaking through the other barrier. Before the dikes could even ask what had happened, I pulled them off the counter and dragged them out of their apartment behind me.
Once safe, I knew there was no going back in, or I wouldn't be coming back out again. There was only one thing to do. I went to the truck and grabbed the pack of dynamite. I told the dikes to get into the truck and wait for me, as I went back up to the front door. I lit a match on the scruff of my chin, and lit the dynamite. Not just one stick, and whole fuckin' roll. I creaked the door open, and just tossed the package of death into the apartment. Take that you fuckin' demon. I walked away in slow motion as the apartment exploded behind me.
I went back to the dikes in the truck. Don't worry, I gave them a place to stay.
So there it was. The end of a friendship, brought to me by the hands of, what I can only assume to be... Satan himself.
Nov 8, 2005
Like Butta
I am a tool.
I am clay. Mold me to your liking.
You all know those stands that pop up in the middle of the mall when Christmas starts getting near. My favorite is the sausage and cheese stand. Tonight, though, I was walking around, trying to justify my being there, other than the fact that I wanted to get an inta-juice from Meg, when this fine looking young lady with a sexy accent pulls me aside and throws one of those heating packs on my neck. Usually, I would've walked past, but I wasn't gonna stop someone from trying to "therapeutically heal" me when I had extra time on my hands. The heating pack wasn't really helping me, though, since I had my sweatshirt on, and was overheating as it was, but I saw that she also had those copper wire head scratchers. Hm... my interest is piqued.
I talk to her about how cool the scratchers are, and she goes, "Yeah, let me show you." I've seen one of them before, but I can never help getting a little turned on when someone uses that thing on me. "And it vibrates too!" She turns it on and it starts shaking my freakin' brain around, but it feels awesome!
Then it starts getting steamy. "Do you have a girl?" (Again, she had the accent and didn't speak english incredibly well.) "No, I don't." "No?" She stops and slowly gives me this smile... kinda creepy, kinda sexy. But then she snaps off the head off the scratcher and she goes "It's also a massager" So she starts massaging my back. "And if you find a girl, this is the best thing to get her excited. You can massage her back, or anything else." Then she starts massaging her knee and thigh. Good lord!
This whole time, I didn't know if she was trying to seduce me or if she really was a crazy foreign chick that didn't know what she was doing in this crazy country.
Needless to say, her sales pitch was well executed, and I ended up walking away with one of the head scratchers, after she gave me a discounted price on it. It's not often you see that kind of commitment to a customer these days, and such tactics have to be rewarded, I say. Well done. I salute you.
I am clay. Mold me to your liking.
You all know those stands that pop up in the middle of the mall when Christmas starts getting near. My favorite is the sausage and cheese stand. Tonight, though, I was walking around, trying to justify my being there, other than the fact that I wanted to get an inta-juice from Meg, when this fine looking young lady with a sexy accent pulls me aside and throws one of those heating packs on my neck. Usually, I would've walked past, but I wasn't gonna stop someone from trying to "therapeutically heal" me when I had extra time on my hands. The heating pack wasn't really helping me, though, since I had my sweatshirt on, and was overheating as it was, but I saw that she also had those copper wire head scratchers. Hm... my interest is piqued.
I talk to her about how cool the scratchers are, and she goes, "Yeah, let me show you." I've seen one of them before, but I can never help getting a little turned on when someone uses that thing on me. "And it vibrates too!" She turns it on and it starts shaking my freakin' brain around, but it feels awesome!
Then it starts getting steamy. "Do you have a girl?" (Again, she had the accent and didn't speak english incredibly well.) "No, I don't." "No?" She stops and slowly gives me this smile... kinda creepy, kinda sexy. But then she snaps off the head off the scratcher and she goes "It's also a massager" So she starts massaging my back. "And if you find a girl, this is the best thing to get her excited. You can massage her back, or anything else." Then she starts massaging her knee and thigh. Good lord!
This whole time, I didn't know if she was trying to seduce me or if she really was a crazy foreign chick that didn't know what she was doing in this crazy country.
Needless to say, her sales pitch was well executed, and I ended up walking away with one of the head scratchers, after she gave me a discounted price on it. It's not often you see that kind of commitment to a customer these days, and such tactics have to be rewarded, I say. Well done. I salute you.
Let's try this one more time
Check out my newest experiment in literature. Hope it's not an overload.
Nov 6, 2005
Slapshot
Yesterday was a day to remember. I started off going to McDs with my parents for lunch (I never really go there, unless I'm with them). My dad and i have this thing with McDonalds, where we always give fake names. A lot of people do that, but it started when my dad went in, and they couldn't spell Clarence, so he told them his name was Bob. Then the person asks him in all seriousness, "is that with one 'o' or two?". So I always give them the hardest names to spell, so i decided to give them Bartholomew. They failed miserably.
After that i went to work for my mom for a bit. It's hard to say no when they offer you $15 an hour for pulling stickers off one tampon-looking syringe, and putting on another. Easiest $50 i ever made. Besides maybe last night.
My boos hooked me up to go to the Eagles game to go on the ice at the intermission for entertainment. Free game, seats by the glass (and right next to the Eagles dancers), and getting paid to fuck around on the ice... no way. It was awesomely fun, as you can imagine.
After that i went to work for my mom for a bit. It's hard to say no when they offer you $15 an hour for pulling stickers off one tampon-looking syringe, and putting on another. Easiest $50 i ever made. Besides maybe last night.
My boos hooked me up to go to the Eagles game to go on the ice at the intermission for entertainment. Free game, seats by the glass (and right next to the Eagles dancers), and getting paid to fuck around on the ice... no way. It was awesomely fun, as you can imagine.
Nov 4, 2005
American History: F
They say you should walk a mile in other people's shoes before you judge them and whatnot, and i agree now. It's tough being a skinhead. You definitely get different looks and reactions from people than you did before. Just having people look away as you pass or having them give you the evil eye is enough.
But fuck them. They don't know what it feels like when the wind hits your liberated scalp. It's amazing. Everyone try it out.
But fuck them. They don't know what it feels like when the wind hits your liberated scalp. It's amazing. Everyone try it out.
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