Death of a blog

So it appears that my blog here is taking its last gasps for air, and all that's coming out is a yawn. I tried so many times to post various things, but in the end, nothing got through, so here I am weeping for my dear old blog, just as it's about to reach its 300th post, I believe. Maybe it's 200, but who's keeping track? But for now the rewards are far outweighed by my own fat ass, and my own heavy thoughts on the fact that I'm not entirely sure that anyone even checks this anymore. So it's not as much a death, but the slow decay of a corpse long after the kill and even after the vultures have had their fill. So it goes.

So I don't know how to leave this blog alone. It's like the awkwardness after a breakup. The damage has been done, and now you just want to get out of the persons presence without further fireworks. It's kinda like at the end of one of the Wayne's World movies when Wayne and Garth come on after the credits, sitting on the couch and they just say, "You're still here? Go home..." So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna bolt out the door, and leave this be as it is now. Don't call me, I'll call you. Don't come back here anymore, there's nothing but hurt here.

So like all awkward situations, you need to end it off with something insightful, but totally irrelevant, making people think you're a dumbass, but not stupid. So, like Kurt Vonnegut said, "I urge you to notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'"

Bluesfest

I made it through the East Coast Blues and Roots Festival this last weekend, and it was 5 of the most grueling, muddy, expensive, and totally badass days of my life. And now I'm here to try and recap it all for you here. At least I'll let you know who was there and what it was all about. There's gonna be a lot to swallow here, so maybe you should take it like I did, one day at a time. Spread it out, lest your knees become weak and your mind brittle.

Day 1:
Sierra Leone's Refugee All-Stars
Ben Kweller
John Mayer
Wolfmother

We were so excited for the first day of the festival, we got there at midday, not even realizing that the gates opened at 4. We had already braved the traffic to get into the parking lot, so there was no way we were leaving, so we went over the the golf course clubhouse next to the grounds to grab a couple drinks. Already feeling good when the doors opened, we got straight into it. We started by seeing the Sierra Leone's Refugee All-Stars, if only for the fact that we had just seen Blood Diamond and the band met while in one of the refugee camps there. They were really good and peppy, and got everyone going.

Ben Kweller and John Mayer both kicked ass by my standards even though a lot of other people there thought they're too poppy. John Mayer's blues guitar definitely stole the show, and some of his bigger hits got everyone ready for what was going to be the biggest act of the night: Wolfmother. Easily the biggest rock act to come out of Australia since Jet hit the scene a couple years back, Wolfmother set it off and had everyone moshing and headbanging well into the night. Don't ask me how or why, but I was dead in the middle of it all, and got out into the cold night drenched in sweat, my head pumping and my legs shaking. If you had looked closely, you could've seen a mix of horror and pure excitement in my eyes that I had 4 more days of this to go.

Day 2:
Rodriguez
Gomez
Joss Stone
Animal Liberation Orchestra
Bela Fleck and the Flecktones
The Magic Numbers

Everyone was absolutely wrecked the next day. The gates opened earlier, but we still got there around 3:00 to see Rodriguez, who everyone kept saying was one of the best and most respected country and blues singers around. His set wasn't the most exciting, but he had some really good, solid music, and got a standing ovation for a good long time after he was done. Gomez had an excellent pop set, and I really got into them, even though I hadn't really heard their music before.

I was a little bit upset with Joss Stone going into the festival just because of the fact that she took the place of the Dave Matthews Band, who cancelled their spot for unknown reasons just a couple weeks before the festival. I've never been much into girl singers like that, but she ended up having one of the best sets of the day. What can I say? She's hot. But she had a really good voice and her band was excellent.

After that, everyone was gonna kinda chill out during the Animal Liberation Orchestra since no one had heard of them. We grabbed a seat under a tree and started to have a snack when we heard them announcing a special guest. We had heard a rumor spreading through the leaves, and once the words left their mouths, I was up and running. Jack Johnson comes out of the woodwork and grabs a guitar. He plays maybe 7 songs with the band, and the place erupts with cheers, and once he's gone, everyone leaves the band to it and goes back to their food.

I didn't really know what to expect from Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, but they ended up being one of my biggest surprises of the festival. REad more about the next day for why. Then, to end off the night, there was another band that I didn't know too much about, The Magic Numbers, but they too far excedded my expectations. They came out fired up and played a kickass set full of searing solos, singalongs, and lots of standing on speakers whilst playing their guitar jutting from their pelvic region as if it was some sort of musical fallice. Good stuff. Straight up.

Day 3:
Amos Lee
Bela Fleck and the Flecktones
Fat Freddy's Drop
Fishbone
Ozomatli
The Roots

The third day is perhaps the hardest to get into. It's just like the week. You get into hump day, and you know that once it's over, you'll be clear, but getting there, you're a physical and emotional heap of crap. That's why I was glad that the day started off with Amos Lee, a simple folky artist with catchy, laid-back tunes. Before the set, I actually met a kid that went to the same high school as me, so we started chatting it up a bit, up until an older lady started talking to me about the past Blues and Roots festivals. She was nice though. So Amos Lee was a good start. I was a little bit hesitant about seeing Bela Fleck again just because I thought I might miss out on something really special, but as they got to the end of their set, I realized that this was the special thing I didn't want to miss. The bass player for them is touted to be one of the best, if not THE best in the world, and at the very end he started into this wicked slap solo and started getting really fast, then when you least expect it, he starts throwing it around his neck and playing it again exactly in time, then he does it again and again and again. The entire tent is in shock and disbelief, but then I find out that he does this all the time. It's like a freaking game for him. AND you should see the drum machine that they use. It looks like a guitar, but it's a couple drum pads duck taped together. Wicked.

I was really looking forward to Fat Freddy's Drop after randomly listening to one of their CDs in Sydney, but they were really a big disappointment for me. They have this really good dance/ska/hip hop fusion thing going on, but in their set they just threw a ton and I mean a TON of bass at everyone and wanted them to dance. When I say a lot of bass, I mean not only does it rattle your teeth, but you feel lucky to be alive after hearing it. So much that you felt that it was harnessed by an evil genius, he could build a weapon of mass destruction out of it, one that would bring buildings to the ground. But if it were harnessed by a good genius, he could build a weapon of massive dance potential, one that would bring buildings to the ground. So it was amazing to witness, but not exactly the best thing to be a part of.

So after that, Fishbone took the stage, and it started off with the lead singer coming out high on something other than life and he paced back and forth on stage for a while just talking about... I don't know. But the rest of the band came on and they tore the place up. They're a sort of punk band, so there was moshing aplenty, which means that there's always assholes abound. Three guys in particular, and one that tried diving off the front railing onto me in the crowd, so I moved out of the way and let him hit the ground. I kicked him in the side, and yelled to him that he was pathetic, and he kept rocking. God I hate that kid. But thumbs up for Fishbone.

Ozomatli. I'd heard the name but not the music, and they were easily my favorite new band of the festival. They play Latin, rock, hip hop... you name it. They can blend them all together, or play them seperately. They're funny, catchy, and they have an amazing sound.

Then the Roots took the stage, and even with all the big bands before them, they still managed to steal the show. Their live sound was really nothing like their CDs, and they threw in more of a rock sound, which drew in more of a crowd too. They played some of their great songs and tore through the night in a torrent, and left the audience begging for more until they almost had to chase us off the grounds. We're past the hump.

Day 4:
Kaki King
Jackson Jackson
Kev Carmody
Vanessa Amorosi
Paul Kelly
Kasey Chambers
Xavier Rudd
John Butler Trio

OK. So the fourth day is the hardest, but not for the normal reasons. I wake up to find that the ground is sopping wet and the rain is still crashing down. And I have a terrible cold. I'm coughing and sniffing and popping pills but I still get there at 1:00 for Kaki King. I might've written about her back right after Christmas when my friends and I went a coupld towns over to see her at a church, and she was still amazing, but since we'd already seen her, we ducked out a little bit early to see Jackson Jackson. I still don't know what to think of them. They had good music, but they also wore weird santo-style masks and eye patches. But they were energetic and it almost made me forget about my cold for a while.

After they were done, I threw down my backpack and rest my head upon it to get a little rest while Kev Carmody played the didgeridoo and told everyone stories about old Australia. I was feeling alright and my legs were getting some rest, when Vanessa Amorosi came on. I can not describe the anguish that this woman caused me. As I told my friends, it's unfortunate that my ear plugs didn't have a shit filter on them. But she really only played covers, and she ruined every single one of them. She had an absolutely horrendous, man-like voice, and every good vibe that I was getting from the day was washed away like the rain that was still coming and going as it pleased.

Then Paul Kelly hit the stage, and the tent was packed. I wouldn't have guessed it, but Paul Kelly is like the Bob Dylan of Australia, and he's loved by pretty much every person here. Yeah, he was great, but I still felt terrible, so I grabbed a seat in the back, and enjoyed the music while trying to avoid the couple of leaky spots in the tent. I wasn't going anywhere after that, but Kasey Chambers had a really good set, and I'm surprised at how much I liked her. She had a great voice, and she had a really good, fun country sound, that even people who don't like country music could get into.

Then Xavier Rudd and the John Butler Trio. They're REALLY popular in Australia, since they started out as buskers (people who play in the streets for money) and worked their way up onto the national stage. It's clear to see why they did become popular as they had the entire place bouncing for 3 straight hours. It was also good to see that the country has so much support for their small artists such as buskers (even though they're not much of buskers anymore). So only one more day to go.

Day 5:
GoGol Bordello
Ash Grunwald
Flogging Molly
The Waifs
The Sunshiners
Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals

Obviously, everyone was pumped for this day. I was still deathly sick, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I had found 2 drink tickets the day before, so I knew that I had to use those, even if it killed me. So we started with GoGol Bordello, who were supposed to be pretty good, and they were, but it was too slow and mellow for us at the time so we went to see Ash Grunwald, who everyone was talking about. He's another busker type, a dreadlocked surfer that starts shaking his hair all over when he really gets going. He had some really funny songs and got me in a good mood, which was good because one of my most anticipated bands was coming up. I went and got a rum and coke and drained it all too quickly, then went and grabbed the other one and took it with me to see Flogging Molly. Come on... you can't be sober when you see Flogging Molly. They were everything that I had hoped for. They played a killer set, full of some of their best songs, and I was really surprised at how great they sounded. It was almost like they had brought Ireland with them, along with some drunken brawlers since I saw one dude get dragged out by his throat by a bouncer. Sweet.

The Waifs were alright. They've won so many awards here, they have to be good, and they were, but my sinuses were screaming and punching my brain, so I got out of the crowd and went to get away from the music and people for a while. I grabbed some food and chilled out until I heard some good sounding reggae coming from the middle of the grounds. The Sunshiners were playing, and even if no one had heard of them, they were certainly going crazy over them now. Everyone was on their feet and dancing around. At least it was a hell of a lot better than Missy Higgins who was playing on the main stage.

They finished up, and then there was only one thing to look forward to: a two-hour marathon from Ben Harper. Alright, he came on 15 minutes late, but I'll allow it. He had probably the most impressive set out of anybody. It was diverse and moving and it had everyone in a wave of emotions as the festival came to a close. He even brought out his old friend Jack Johnson to sing Masters of War with him, and Bonnie Raitt to do a couple of songs together. Fantastic. Nobody wanted to leave the tent and they kept roaring, waiting for more, but that was it, the night was over, the festival was over and we had nowhere to go but home before our 10 o'clock class the next day. Not the best thing to look forward to, but I can tell you that my mind definitely wasn't on school when I got back into the classroom.



A quick recap:
Attendance: 14,000 (basically packed into a high school football stadium)
# of bands: 142
# of stages: 4
Hours of music I heard: 46.5
# of bands I saw: 30
Basic price I paid per band: $13
Most unexpected cover: Immigrant Song by The Roots
Second most unexpected cover: Back in Black - a reggae version by The Sunshiners
Best sing along: Woman by Wolfmother
Best band in an undeserving time slot: Flogging Molly - 3:30-4:30
Worst band in an undeserving time slot: Vanessa Amorosi - She just should'nt've been there
Best moment ruined by stupid people: Ben Harper trying to sing a capella without a microphone to 14,000 people with 4 or 5 people screaming "I love you Ben"
Most unexpected moment: A naked man running around on top of the main tent at the end of the first night

So there it is. One of the top three music festivals in the world in a nutshell. Trying to describe it is like trying to give witness to a quadruple murder; you can't really find the words to say what went on, but what you saw will stick with you forever.

Where's Paul?

I don't even know if I can answer that. Without virtual reality, I don't really know what reality is anymore. My internet got cut off for a couple of weeks without notice, and now I'm left with some sort of crap internet that must have come from 15 years ago. The connection is so unsteady that I can't sign on to chat, and it's hard to even stay on a website for more than 3 minutes without it getting bored and kicking me off. Pretty poor excuse for internet at a technological school.

So I'm pretty mad about that. But life isn't all about the internet. I've been getting out and trying to find a job. I went to about 5 places today, and the general consensus seems to be that the town is closing down until the next tourist season. That better not be the freaking case. But I didn't have a shining bit of luck yesterday. Melisa's also looking for a job, but she's never had one before, so I said I'd go along and help her out, kind of guiding her along. We went into the beach hotel, sat down, and I started to tell her what to say to the people when she went up to talk to them. It took about 10 minutes to build up her confidence, and in the end they said that she should probably hand in a resume first and blah blah blah.... We had left our resumes at home since I was used to the States where you just go pick up an application first. So we left there, and went across the street to the Curry House where I was thinking of getting a job. I walked in and started talking to the manager, and walked out no more than two minutes later and he had offered me a job. He said I was gonna be washing dishes for the first week at least, but that's fine with me. So that got Melisa pretty pissed off.

He called later and said that once he looked at his schedule, it might not work out as soon as planned, which sounds like a "f*** off" phrase, but he seemed nice enough, so I went back in and dropped off my resume to some girls working there, so hopefully he'll know that I'm actually serious about working there.

So that's going on, and as far as school goes, we're starting to get into it more now. We've got quite a few projects lined up, and we're gonna have to record our first full band coming up in a few weeks. It's a pretty daunting task, but hopefully it'll be fun. So that's it. I just haven't been into writing much recently, but that doesn't mean I'm dead or nuthin'.

So I hope everyone had a good spring break, and just be glad that you got a break. I know Byron Bay is the most relaxing place on earth, but now I need a break from it. I want a big city with flashing lights and 30 story buildings. I think I'm going to Vegas first thing when I get back.

NEW!

New pics up under "Photos Around Byron".

Feeling Good

What's new? What's new? First of all, I had a really good weekend. On Friday night, we went to a Sarah Blasko concert at a small bar in town. I'm pretty sure I had heard of her before I came down to Australia, so I thought I should jump at the opportunity to see a potentially big name at a small venue for a meager ticket price. I'm glad I did. Both the opening act and her band were really good, and they put on quite a show. I likened it to a Yeah Yeah Yeahs concert with a little less energy and a lot less Michael Stipe face paint. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about.
On Sunday, we had the monthly market, and it was almost too much to handle. The sun was relentless in its quest to kill every organism on Earth. We got there and got some food, and could hardly move out of the shade afterwards. I did have a few purchases in mind, though, so I knew that I had to go get those, and then we could get the hell out of there. I went and bought a machete and a chili plant, and that was all I could handle. I had what I needed, so we were getting out. As we started unlocking out bikes to leave, we saw this guy selling puppies for $50, and I started into a huge debate with myself on if I should get one. $50 is only $50 more than a steal! I was practically counting my money when I talked myself out of it. I knew there was too much that I was overlooking; like the fact that we can't have pets. So in the end I think I made the right choice even though it broke my heart.

As we were driving around later, we heard on the radio that Nine Inch Nails were coming to Brisbane in May, so when we got home, we jumped online and grabbed some tickets since they were actually really cheap. So we'll be seeing them on May 7th, two months from today, which is funny since it's also exactly one month after I'll be at the Blues and Roots festival, watching the Roots. I won't rub it in by telling you who else I'm gonna be seeing there, but they've got a pretty sweet line-up this year, except they don't have Sigur Ros who I really wanted to see from last year.

So on the other end of the spectrum from music, I saw Apocalypto last night, which I thought was freaking awesome, especially the part where the jaguar eats the dude's face. OK, it was gross, but you gotta admit, it was pretty cool. But I also finished the book I just told you I was reading The Society Of Others. It was also really good and had some pretty insightful stuff. But the more impressive fact for me is that I counted, and I've read 7 books since I've been here! In order, they are:
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Stuart:A Life Backwards by Alexander Masters
Operation Typhoon Shore by Joshua Mowell
The Prestige by Christopher Priest
Tokyo Cancelled by Rana Dasgupta
Politics by Adam Thirlwell
The Society of Others by William Nicholson

I say that's not bad considering that a couple years ago I wouldn't read anything except Harry Potter.

So finally the weather is cooling off here and has been dumping rain on and off by the buckets full for a couple days now. I can finally sleep well at night and I'm getting some energy back. Yep, feeling good.

3 Short Stories About Byron

I have a couple short stories, which, frankly, aren't really much of stories at all. If I put them on their own, they would be the waste of a post, but I figured if I combined them into one super-post, then they might squeak by as something that can be classified as "entertaining" or "edutaining". So strangely enough, two of the stories involve my friend Cameron, who I never get to hang out with much. He lives on the other side of town, and is married, so we basically get to talk during our break at class. So, naturally, I wasn't there when these things happened, but I don't think that even really matters. So I'll start with him....

1. Cameron was walking down the beach, taking a dip and body-surfing some. The sun was hot and the beach was crowded, and it seemed like nothing was wrong. And there was nothing that anyone should be concerned about. Sure, there's sharks in the waters around Byron, but there haven't been attacks, but like it or not, ever since Steve Irwin died, there has been a lot more reports down here of people getting stabbed by stingrays. One happened just up the road at one of our fishing spots, in fact, we always see them swimming past, where they'll lift up one of their wings out of the water, and wave as they pass. Maybe they were trying to lure us in. I don't know.

Cameron was just walking through the knee-deep waves, and when he took his next step, he felt something slimy underneath his foot, and as he lifted it up, there was an unbelievable pain that shot through his foot, and could feel it climbing his leg. He dragged himself back up out of the water and looked down at his foot, where there was a small hole, clean through. His wife was lounging in the sand, so he called out to her. She helped him up the beach, along with the help from some concerned on-lookers, and took him to the hospital. I guess these things are normal. The doctors shot him full of this and that, and something containing an anti-venom, and sent him on his way.

2. Cameron again. This time he's walking down the main street in Byron. He's good friends with the owner of Sharky's Tattoos, so he rocks up there every once in a great while to say hello. This day he walks in and starts talking to his friend who's sitting down, concentrating on giving a tattoo. The man who's getting his skin inked has his head down, looking at the work that's being done, but when he hears the conversation between the two, he look up at Cameron. "Hey," the man says. "Hey... HEY! You're Ryan Reynolds." "Yeah," says Ryan Reynolds. For those of you who don't know Ryan Reynolds, he's best known as Van Wilder, but has been in several other amazing movies such as Blade Trinity and Waiting....

So Cameron strikes up a little bit of a conversation with him. I don't know how this conversation goes. I don't even know about the "Hey"s. I made that part up. Pretty good, eh? So they talk for a little while while Ryan's getting his tattoo, and I guess Ryan's on a motorcycle trip across Australia with his friends, and just happened to drop in to Byron.

3. The last story. I was gonna do a fourth about how Chirag spray painted the street, but it started to fizzle out the more I thought about it. So the last story. I wasn't here for this either. Maybe this is why I can't make a complete story out of these things. But this one was big news all over Byron. There's a biker gang called the Nomads that come and go through the area, and a lot of the members are settled down here. Well, apparently, this isn't just any biker gang. I guess these guys are bad. Real bad. They don't settle for just beating up puppies, I guess they also deal drugs throughout the region and have built up enough money to radically modify their bikes. Sweet. Totally.

Well, people can only deal drugs for so long before the fuzz catch a breath of what's going on. In one hour, over 20 houses were raided in New South Wales and Queensland where the police found lots of drugs, money, and chrome. So what does this all have to do with me? Apparently the lady that my friend is living with was the person that all of the bikers had called the most. I don't know what that really means in the grand scheme of things. She's a very nice, creative lady, so maybe they just wanted to talk. But either way, the cops rocked up (they do a lot of rockin') to my house because they were lost, and wanted to know where building 5 is. I told them "I don't know where building 5 is." That's the truth. I have absolutely no idea. Half the people here don't know where they live. So I guess that was my contribution to the case. Confusing an officer. So I guess they eventually found the house and asked the lady some questions. I don't know what she said, or how she killed the cops, but she's still around today, so I guess all is well at Cape Court.

Just another day in Byron.

POI

Life has been pretty slow around here recently, but to keep my blog up and running freely, and just to let you know some more about what I'm doing, I thought I'd throw some of these little tidbits at you. Mostly they'll just read like commercials for the products, but maybe, just maybe, it'll be a good conversation starter for your next shindig.

KILLER BUNNIES
I'm pretty sure they have this game in the US. It's a card game, much like Magic: The Gathering, except that always seemed way too complex and nerdy. Killer Bunnies is simple. It's about killer bunnies. You might be able to tell from the name that the game has a pretty good sense of humor, and it carries on in everything from the weapons you use in the game, all the way to the instruction manual.

That's another thing... it is a little bit complex, and will probably take until the end of the first game to figure out exactly what the hell is going on, but after that, it's amazing how well thought out and easy the game is to run through. It's also a lot better the more players you have, so try to get everyone to sit down together and keep their ADD under control for a night. But it does say on the box AGES 12+, which is probably about right if you want anyone younger to be able to fully grasp the game.

If you buy it and get into it, there's 10 different expansion packs available, which would give you 660 cards to play with! Then you, sir, would be addicted. Check out their website for more fun at: www.killerbunnies.com

My favorite card: Green Gelatin (with evil pineapple lumps) Weapon Level 2

WICKED CAMPERS
These vans are awesome. I was seriously considering getting one for my birthday so I could drive up to the Gold Coast, but it turns out the closest place that rents them is an hour further on the OTHER side of the Gold Coast. But either way, these things are all over Byron, and I don't like so much for the fact that some of them have a full kitchen in them, but the fact that the artwork and the sayings on them are always really sweet. The pictures range from bands like the Gorillaz to Jimi Hendrix, to movies like Team America and E.T. And the sayings... here's some that are on there:

"I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're up to now."
"Don't be difficult. Put in some effort and be impossible."
"Support bacteria. It's the only culture some people have."
"Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money."

It's always good to see these when you're having a slow day. If you want to see more, check out www.wickedcampers.com.au.

BANKSY
Hopefully you've heard about Banksy, whether you like what he's doing or not. I think he makes the world a better place. OK, better will be debatable, but I'd say more magical. He shakes people out of their daydreams.

I think probably the first time I heard about him was a couple years ago when they found a painting that he had put up in the British Museum of a caveman pushing a shopping cart, and the painting has stayed up for several days before anyone noticed, and it was only after he put up a scavenger hunt for it, that anyone found it as a hoax. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

But really, his work speaks for itself. Check out www.banksy.co.uk for more.




MUSIC AND BOOKS

As I mentioned in a post a while back around the time of my birthday, I got this CD Movie Monster by Sound Team, and it's STILL rocking my face off. They have a really raw, simple sound, yet they're really melodic and sharp. Check them out for sure.

I've also been getting a good deal of reading in recently, and I just finished Tokyo Cancelled by Rana Dasgupta, which was good, but fluttered out at the end, and Politics, by Adam Thirlwell, which was really good. So now I've started on The Society of Others by William Nicholson, who apparently also wrote both The Velveteen Rabbit and Gladiator, so I suppose this one falls somewhere on that spectrum. I'm only 3 chapters in, but the narrative so far is really captivating. It's also got a great quote which caught my eye: "Either be silent or let your speech be better than silence." I like that in today's loud, obnoxious world.

So that should be good for a while. There was a couple other things that I was contemplating putting up here for you to have a gander at, so those might be coming around unless I find something better to talk about.

The Church of You

Alright, I know I just wrote that huge long post about my drinking escapades, and that's really all I've been writing about recently. It's really fun when you're there, but maybe not so much fun to read about, and I don't want everyone to think that that's all I'm doing down here. So I have this little one too.

For the past couple of weeks, this french dreamboat that goes to our school has been trying to get my roommate Chirag to go to this church where he runs the sound desk. Chirag kept saying he'd go, but when it came time to go, he'd always back out. It's no skin off my back. I hadn't been the one that was chomping at the bit to go. But tonight, after a lazy, boring day, "the four" of us decided to go over there. Let me just clarify: usually when I say "we" or "the four", then I'm mostly referring to Chirag, our neighbor Matt, Melisa and I, since we're the closest friends here and we usually do everything together.

So the four of us go over to the church and it's a really friendly environment when we walk in. Instead of pews and a stage for the preacher, there's tables set up and everyone is sitting there drinking their coffee or tea, and right when we walked in, at least 5 people rushed up to us to try to make us feel at home. It was almost a little off-putting. Most of the tables were full, but we found a nice couch off to the side were we found a seat, and the sermon began. With the laid-back attitude of the room, I figured the sermon would be really short and fun, but the preacher starts rambling on about abortion and the devil eating babies, and the rebirth of christ being from an incestuous union.

I really couldn't grab on to a single thing he said, and everytime he tried to back up his comments with facts or figures, he would just tend to contradict himself. But everyone in the congregation was nodding along and adding their "mmm"s and "uhhuh"s at the correct times. And some of the stuff that he said was so ludicrous. Like for the figures that he gave on abortions in the United States to be true, there would have to be as many babies aborted in 5 DAYS, as babies that were actually born in an ENTIRE YEAR. And everyone sits there and gasps at these figures because they think it's so tragic. Tragic indeed. And he ends off with saying that if Jesus Christ was to be reborn today, he would be aborted. He makes it sound like the world isn't pro-choice, but pro-abortion. Maybe it would solve over-population.

So after the sermon, I was ready to take off since I'd taken enough of the bullshit, but that's when the music started, and we got to get a glimpse at what we'd really come for. We went back to watch Jean Luc work the desk and while the other three were asking him questions and taking it all in, I was still captivated by the congregation. Maybe it was because I'd been through it all before, but religion at that point seemed so inane and stupid to me. The people were up there with their hands in the air, or they were crouched down on the ground with a fist to their forehead, being born again.

A guy comes and starts chatting withe me. He's just a couple years older than myself and he starts up about how he just got back from travelling the world doing missionary work. He was a really nice guy and he had some interesting stories, but when I started talking to him about religion, he started criticizing me.

Me: "Well, I kinda think that it's not necessarily as important to be a good church-goer as it is to just be a good person."

Him: "I disagree. There's lots of nice guys out there, but if they don't have God in their hearts..."

Me: "Doesn't that take too much power away from an individual?"

Me: "Doesn't it say in the bible that you should praise God on your own terms, and not to be like the false fanatics in the temple..."

Me: "Can't something just be what it is, and not an act of God?"

And he kept arguing with me. That's fine that he thinks he's right, but he wouldn't let me believe that I was right. And that's the main problem that I've come across with organized religion in the past years. Everyone is too controlling, and really just too worried about the things that should just be left alone. They get so caught up in trying to live their lives through God, that they forget that they can do these things. Look at a child who has no concept of religion and their minds are so vast because they haven't been limited by talk of sin and heaven and hell.

But there was one thing that we could agree on after the entire debate. You do it for the people around you. Back in Timnath, that's what it was. It was never a religious experience for me at church, but the reason I kept going back wasn't necessarily because my parents made me, but because you have friends there and you can always count on them for support for the rest of your life.

So what turned me away from religion? It wasn't the crazies, the ones on the streets that yell of fire and brimstone. That came later. And it wasn't that I "grew out of it" once I got to college. Once I got away and all of my friends moved away and or we consequently broke up, I lost that support in my life, and I started to realize that it was me controlling my life. I needed to make something happen, and I knew that if God was there in the beginning, he'd be there in the end, and I didn't have to make a deal out of it. But I still can't think of any event in my life up to this point that was altered or acted upon by a higher power. And I don't think that we have to pray to God to get a response from him.

OK, I'm rambling and getting pretty sacreligious here, but it all comes down to what I said earlier. I don't need someone to preach to me about a life that they haven't lived. And even though I don't know what it is, that's why I like the sound of the Church of Life. It could be The Church of You.

I guess it's about time

I guess it's about time I tell you about my birthday. My actual birthday was last monday, and because I knew my 21st here wouldn't have the same meaning as a 21st in the States, I just wanted to do something where everyone could have fun, and not just have it revolve around getting as tanked as you can. I can do that anytime, anywhere here, so I wanted to go up to Surfers Paradise and see what there was to see. So that's exactly what we did. A small group of people got together and we all set off up the coast around 8 at night and made it up to surfers in about an hour.

I had two main things I wanted to do: 1) Go to the arcade 2) Go to the casino. We were all a bit hungry when we got up there, so we stuffed ourselves full at Oporto and then went to play some video games. They have a pretty good deal where for $15, you get two hours. The first hour you get unlimited video games, and in the second hour you get to do bumper cars, putt putt and laser tag. Most of our time was spent playing Time Crisis 4, which will absolutely blow your mind, so we were well warmed up when it came time for the laser tag. We busted some heads, and I came out second out of everybody, so I felt like a virtual badass.

After that we drove over to Conrad Jupiters which, if it isn't the only, is probably the most popular casino in Surfer's Paradise. They have some really annoying jingles on TV, so we figured it had to be good. And it was. It was really nice and we had a lot of fun. I won't say how much I won or lost, or how much was spent on drinks, but I came out of the evening looking pretty good. When we looked at our watches, it was already 3 o'clock and we figured it was probably best that we leave then before the tables turned on us.

So it was a good birthday. I had fun, and so did everyone else, so I was pleased.

Then last night we had a huge barbecue. This is something that Melisa and I had been planning for quite some time. Her birthday is tomorrow, so we wanted to have a little joint celebration right in between the two days. So for the last week we started spreading the word around town about the party, and we were expecting a packed house. When we went to the grocery store, we didn't hold back. We bought about 11 pounds of ground beef, about 50 sausages and a couple packs of chicken legs, along with countless bags of chips, boxes of potato salad and some baked beans for good measure. All in all, we hauled back $160 in supplies.

And then there was the alcohol. We told everyone to bring their own, so we didn't really have to worry much about it, but I was feeling a little bit risque on that night and I wanted something a little bit different, so as I was browsing the shelves at the liquor store, I stumbled across a bottle of absinthe. You know what? Why the hell not? I picked it up, along with a box of apple juice for mixing. Everyone was warning me to be careful of it and not to drink it too fast, and once I mixed it up, it was so yummy, I thought it might be a problem, but it was alright in the end, as you'll see in a minute.

So people started showing up around 7 when they were getting hungry, so I fired up the barbecue and threw some meat on. It was cooking nicely and everyone was starting to have a good time, but there was one problem. It was a beautiful night out and everyone wanted to sit outside in our backyard, but we really only had a small table and 2 chairs out back. We started to worry about what we were going to do, when not more than 2 minutes later, some friends come running in the door saying they have my birthday present out front. If that's not making me skeptical... So I go out front and there's a truck parked there and two huge guys are unloading tons of junk. They take down a table, 6 chairs and a old blue refrigerator that the guys had been using for bait, and they were giving it all away for free! Now this is just too perfect. We take the table and chairs out back and voila! It's absolutely perfect. We even hooked up the fridge in the back too, and it works! It even became a favorite seat for people that needed to cool down from dancing too much.

So more and more people kept coming and the grill was spitting out food left and right, trying to feed all these people. Here I am, drinking my absinthe and apple juice, and it starts giving me this incredible energy! I'm running through the house grabbing things that people need, flipping burgers, greeting people at the door, everything! I even went inside and got to dance some. I was having a great time and people kept telling me how great everything was. I was smiling from ear to ear. So once we got some food in everyone, the consensus view was that we should go to the beach for some fire twirling.

Luckily the beach is within walking distance, so we all made it over there safely and started up a bonfire. It was warm out so people were dipping their feet in the water and having a good time, at least until one of the mexicans tried to do a cartwheel, and ended up putting his hands right into the fire. I wasn't there, but I heard that it was a) funny as hell and b) bad enough that he had to go to the hospital. So some of the people left, and I was stuck down there with my feet in the water, staring up at the sky. Apparently the absinthe had super-sensitized my entire body, so I was listening to the shooting stars, and I could feel the waves hitting my feet throughout my entire body. It was creepy how much control I had over my environment.

So I snapped out of my daze and realized that about half the people had left already to go to the hospital, and everyone else was kinda wearing thin. We gathered our things and came back home to our messy house. Chirag put on some Pink Floyd, and we sat around for maybe an hour more, just talking about life and girls.

It's really impossible to fully describe how great the night was, and there was lots of pictures, but apparently Melisa deleted them by accident this morning, but I'll see if anyone else had some. Luckily everyone had a good time and I still got to enjoy myself while working my ass off playing host.

Slow Night, So Long

Not much to talk about these days. My birthday came and went, and while it was fun, it wasn't on the gradiose scale that I always thought my 21st birthday would be presented at. Then Valentine's Day. What a joke.

So the days have been slow. There's been some massive waves, like 10-12 feet, here because there's a tropical storm off the coast of New Zealand. Most people would be pissing themselves with excitement, but I was mostly just pissing myself. They were way too big for me to surf, but I went out and bodyboarded on a couple of the beasts, and it was then that I was happy I didn't take my board out. The waves threw me down into the ocean floor with such force, I couldn't believe. Luckily, I could execute my tuck and roll method along the sand so I didn't get hurt too bad.

Today I woke up and cleaned up this sty a bit since we have housing inspections coming up in a couple of days. It's gonna be even worse since we're having a barbecue here in a couple days, so I hope it doesn't get so out of control that we can't clean everything up before the inspections. After I'd cleaned my ass off, I wanted to get outside, so I hopped on my bike and started to ride into town. I didn't know exactly where I was going, but I stopped by my friend Cameron's house to talk to him, but by the time I got there, I realized I was only 40 short kilometers from Ballina. Maybe I messed up the conversion in my head, but I somehow thought that wouldn't be too far to ride on my bike. Mostly I needed something to do. I started riding like a madman and I got about a quarter of the way there before the hills got to me and my water started to run out. I started back home and barely made it before collapsing in a heap of self-satisfaction. It must've been about a 20 mile ride all together, and I did it out of the blue, so I was pretty happy.

And now that I'm thinking of it, I don't think I've ever given a link to my brother's blog. He always sends his friends over to mine, so if you're the blog-surfing type, you might want to go check out his page. Especially congratulate him on his marriage, and check out the pictures of him and his new wife. Much better than the old wife.

Other than that I've just been playing guitar, reading, listening to music. Whatever catches my interest. I just got my birthday present from my family yesterday so I'm digging into some of my new music. I'm especially into Sound Team and The Shins' new album right now. Also, the Kings of Leon just released a single for their upcoming album and it's freaking amazing. It's called On Call if you want to check it out, but maybe it's already all over the radio in the States. I'm not there, I don't know.

So hopefully I'll get some good pictures from the barbecue tomorrow. I know I always say that, and never get any, but hopefully SOMEONE will get a picture of the hairdo I'm planning. Hopefully those will be coming!

Take care.

Small Town Trap

Yeah, so I haven't been posting much lately. Big whoop, wanna fight about it? Life is just going too slow for comfort right now. I suppose I'm at the 4 month skid where you really start to learn just how boring the town you've moved to really is. Everything was great before Christmas, because you always have that to look forward to, but after that... I just don't know what there is. Costa Rica in July? Christmas again? Even with my birthday coming up in two days I'm not getting excited. 21! That's the golden number in the States, but in Australia it's nothing. Especially if you're 21 in Byron, and you don't have dreads or smoke copious amounts of weed, you don't exist. But yeah... not that excited about this one.

What's more is that the weather doesn't let up here. It's been constantly hot the entire time I've been here. Technically, I don't think it's as hot as it was in Colorado over the summer, but I really just need a break from it. I'm really starting to see a correlation between the temperature and my mood. I miss the cold nights when you're shivering when you get into bed, then you wrap all the layers of sheets and blankets around you to keep you warm. That's the best sleep I ever get. I'd wake up in the morning and feel so full of energy. Whenever I go to sleep here, I have to lay spread eagle on top of my sheets, directly underneath my fan, and I'll still wake up feeling sweaty and sticky. And that's when it's cooler at night!

But I suppose I can't really complain. I've been trying my best to keep busy all the time without resorting to getting pissed all the time like a lot of other students that live around here. I think I've been using my brain more than I have in years. I read a lot, been playing guitar, learning minute amounts of spanish... And at night we've been having fun the good old fashioned way. We play uno, and celebrity heads, and on certain nights of the week, we'll go out to our favorite places. Tuesday is $5 pizzas at eagle boys and cheap movie night at the theater, Saturday night is steak night at the services club so we go and eat and play some pool and darts... As much fun as it is, it does get pretty frustrating that the town doesn't offer much more than this. We're already stretching the limits of our imaginations.

I used to think that Fort Collins was a nowhere town and everyone just wanted to get out, but I can see now that I had it pretty sweet back there. So if any of you back there are getting discouraged or bored, I can tell you all the great things there are to do there, which I wish I could take advantage of now. But, and I only say this because of what I've been hearing recently, just get out and do something different. Don't worry so much about other peoples problems, or even your own, and go and discover everything there is to do in the world, before it's all gone.

Suffocate from lack of stimualation... My friend and I stick to the tired couches... Inspire me cause if you don't I think I'll dissipate to dust. The liar in me says somethings gonna happen soon because it must. Eve 6

Everyone hop on the shortbus

I don't do this very often, and this is probably the least appropriate time to do it, but I have to recommend a movie. Go see shortbus. It's probably out of the theaters up in the states by now, and if you haven't seen it, then there's probably a reason. Maybe you heard that it's one of the first cinema movies ever made to have real sex in it. And maybe you heard just how much sex there was in it. There is a LOT. So much so, that we walked in 5 minutes late, and the first sight we were greeted with was a 30 foot wang in front of us. So it's not for everybody. It's not really for anybody. It's for people that can put aside their inhibitions for one night, and watch a movie that's a celebration of human interaction. It really should be classified as a porno, and be taken out of theaters. But it wasn't.

Why? It is SO well made. I can't describe. It had some of the best dialogue I have ever heard in a movie, and you could tell the makers of the movie knew that not everyone would be comfortable with the sex, so they throw in jokes in the middle of the sex scenes. Like the part where the three gay guys are daisy chaining each other and one starts singing the national anthem into another guys ass. I shit you not. It's absolutely vile and disgusting and far beyond the furthest stretches of my mind, but I was almost rolling on the floor laughing. The whole movie is filled with this humor, but it's when people are fully dressed that the movie really begins to shine, and the ending is so uplifting you can't help but leave the theater smiling from ear to ear.

I saw it with three of my friends and we all left, mouths agape, chuckling all the way home. It makes you so giddy, and not just for the fact that you just got away with watching a hardcore porno with 50 other people. We felt so good in fact that we skipped town. On a tuesday night. We packed up our stuff and drove up to Surfer's Paradise and hit the clubs. We danced all night and slept in the grass on the side of a river. We got up with the sun and still made it back with plenty of time before our 10 o'clock class.

I'm still pretty tired from the whole thing, so this post really sucks and doesn't come close to describing the entire night, but I don't think I could ever really find the words to describe how refreshing the entire experience was. It felt like I was finally really living my life without any worries. And I still got everything done. Absolutely awesome night.

My god. Listen to the shit rolling off my hands. I'm going to bed.

Recipe For Disaster

I don't know if this is technically correct to say, but this weekend was really cliched. It's like I did everything that I was expected to do. Don't get me wrong, it was totally kickass, but with very few surprises.

It started off with a sort of final at school, and while everyone was freaking out, I really wasn't that worried. It was multiple choice, which I've done too many times, so I looked over my notes a couple times the day before and I got a 91%. I was also the third person to finish. Not to brag, but that's how easy this test was, and you only needed a 50% to pass. No shit.

So it was obvious that we were all going to celebrate the end of the test, but it just so happened that Australia Day was the day after the test. Australia Day is basically St. Patrick's Day but for down here. On the one day, everyone in Australia becomes an Australian. So my friend Matt offered to drive Melisa and I up to Brisbane for the night so we could go to his friend's barbecue up there. We got there around noon, and there was a blistering heat. The second we sat down, we already had a beer to our lips to quench the mighty thirsts that we had, and we never really looked back. The heat even got bad enough that a make-shift slip-and-slide was built even though Australians can't use hoses because of the draught here, so we had to bucket in water every couple of minutes.

So the day continued like that. Eat, drink, slip, slide and when someone suggested we play wheel of goon, I started to get scared. Now there's two things you might need explaining here. "Goon" is Australian slang for boxed wine, which is the cheapest alcohol you can buy here. There isn't any PBR or Keystone Light. It's also interesting to know that goon contains fish, egg and soy products, which is one of the main reasons that I stick to my slightly more expensive beer. Then, "Wheel of Goon" is a game where you take the bag of wine out of the box that it comes in, and attach it to a clothes line that spins around in a circle, and whoever it lands on has to drink it straight out of the bag for 10 seconds. I jumped in, and when the bag never stopped on me, but they made me drink the last 4 seconds of someone elses turn because they couldn't finish. Right when I fisnished drinking, the only words that came to mind were "fish", "egg" and "soy". I immediately felt queezy, which might've just been the alcohol in it, but I went and laid down for five minutes, but I felt it coming back up so I ran and chucked it up in the grass. I got a cheer as the first person to throw up. Yay for me! Even though I felt better, I was really tired, so I went upstairs and told Melisa to wake me up in 10 minutes. That was about 5:30.

I woke up on my own at 7:00 or so. I felt good, even though everything was still a blur. I went downstairs and everyone was getting ready to head out to town. I really wasn't ready to pack it in for the night so early, so I put on my all-stars and went out with them. We found a really nice bar in the city with a good band and just hung out there for the night. Like I said before, there weren't really any surprises here. We talked and we drank. A gay guy hit on me. The band was pretty good. I guess the only real surprise here was that I actually danced. Even though the band was playing music which is pretty much impossible to dance to, we thought that swing dancing was the most appropriate, so we got out there and I tried my best to remember my couple of dancing lessons with Sara Petty back in the States, and I think I did a pretty damn good job. At least no girls turned me down for a dance.

So the night started wrapping up and we grabbed some KFC before we got home. We talked politics while we ate. We got a cab home because our legs were absolutely wrecked from the days activities, and we all went to bed quietly. Oh what a good sleep.

The next day, for some odd reason, we were awake at 8:00, and after some breakfast, the three of us amigos drove down to the Gold Coast where we spent the day looking at the ground and sitting on the beach in the sun. We were all so tired. We couldn't even wake up enough to truly have fun, so we just called it a day and drove home, vowing to go back some other weekend when we can have lots of fun with lots of stories to tell. Ooohh ooo! Wait a minute. One good story. I went into Red Rooster (which is like chick-fil-a) and the guy that took my order looked exactly like the mad hatter from Alice in Wonderland. His hair was dyed black and blonde, and it was pouring out from underneath his work hat from all directions. He had wide crazy eyes and bucked teeth sticking out from underneath his lips. Uncanny, really.

So I hope everyone else enjoyed their Australia Day. I'll be waiting to hear all the great stories from up north.

In your dreams

I've always been pretty fascinated with dreams. For the most part, it seems like I'm more in touch with my dreams than a lot of people. I have a lot of lucid dreams where I can control what I do, and I have a lot of dreams where I'm dying, and I wake up short of breath, sweating and clutching my chest... or punching walls.

In return, I also have a lot of stupid dreams. Last night I woke up probably 10-15 times imagining that there were bugs on me. Sometimes I was dreaming that they were coming after me, and sometimes I felt in real life like there was something itching my leg. Being Australia, the latter could be more true (especially the spot on my arm that started searing with pain and itchiness).

I was sick and tired of the dreams, and I was grumpy that we have to go to class early this morning, so I went downstairs and grabbed some orange juice, walked around and went back to bed.

When I did so, I remember having the most vivid dream. It's especially odd since it was the first thing I dreamt after going back to bed, and those are usually either gone in the morning or are about random things from the day before. This dream I had, it wasn't anything exciting, but it had me walking down a staircase at my old elementary school, both sides lined with people from my past. Many of the people I saw, I couldn't remember their names, but their faces were so clear to me. I would walk up to each person in turn and look them right in the eyes. I would look at the freckles on their cheeks. I would look at and feel their hair. It was as if I was looking at an exact photograph of them 10 or so years ago, with every single detail intact.

Then whenever I walked up to someone whose name I had forgotten, but now remembered their face, when I looked into their eyes, I would see in them all of the things that we used to do together. Most of them were in elementary school, just playing on the playground, but each person had something new that I had forgotten about with them.

I don't really know what the dream means, but it just baffles me that something like that can happen. I'm not saying I'm some sort of super genius, but if we DO usually only use 10% of our brains, and most of your brain mass is used for storing information and memories, then is your brain really just retaining every tiny bit of information you ever come across just incase?

And is it possible, via dreams or drugs or machines to tap into that part of the brain and either have the person recall it in an awake or dream state? Or can machines even learn to read the information, and create an exponentially large database of everything in the world, and thus take us over and kill us all like almost every science fiction movie ever made predicts?

Even with the grim possibilities of a total mecha-android takeover, I still offer this challenge: $25 to any man/woman/monkey that can build me a machine that can either a) let me delve into the depths of my mind every single night to recall vivid dreams of times past (instead of damn spiders) or b) let me record my dreams. I think the cash reward should be plenty, seems how I'm giving you the idea (which I actually came up with many many years ago) for free since I could never find enough money to patent it myself. If said work is done, comment back on this here blog with your contact information. Once photos of prototypes and schematics are exchanged, and successful test results mapped out on a willing human being, the $25 will be sent to you in a plain white envelope marked "MONEY".

Now, go out there and do your best, and let me know what you come up with. And remember: Keep dreaming.

McNaught's Comet

Just a little something here that all of you northern-hemispherers might've missed out on.

This is McNaught's Comet and it's been around for the last couple of days. It's really amazing to see, especially since you can only see it around sunset, so the sky paints a nice colorful background for it. Supposedly though, this was supposed to be the brightest comet anyone has seen in the past 40 years (and a lot brighter than Haley's Comet in 1986) at least, and probably longer. If it did pass across the northern hemisphere and you got to see it, then I'm glad, cause it was really something to see down here.

Part 4:The Cross

Before I get into this last post here, I'd like to throw this in here: In today's world, where there's social networking all over the internet and in every facet of people's lives, it becomes so much easier to run across people from your past, which in most occasions is a good thing, but in most cases it reminds me more and more of how compared to so many people that I see, getting married, having kids, getting good jobs and growing up, it makes me reflect more on what I'm doing with my life, whereas a couple years ago, I never would've looked back. It kinda reminds me of Weezer's song where they sing: The world has turned and left me here; Just where I was before you appeared, and in your place an empty space has filled the void behind my face. I know I have nothing to be ashamed of in my life, but sometimes the light of reality can be harsh and bright.

The subject of people coming and going leads well into the last part of the story from my trip to Sydney. I had spent most of the trip just taking everything in. Sydney is one of the most beautiful cities I've ever seen. It's amazing what can happen when a government spends it's money on beautification instead of destruction. That's not a political statement as much as it is a fact. If you want to see what I mean, just come down to Sydney. There's hundreds of zoos and aquariums for education of their unique land, and the entire harbour area is strewn with art and water works where parents can bring their kids to play. There's large expanses of grass in the middle of it all with plenty of trees for shade where anyone can kick back and spend the entire day reading a book, watching people bustle about by the water. Absolutely gorgeous.

For the next two days, I didn't really do anything. I walked around town, sitting in cafes and watching people. Most of the time I might even call it boring, and maybe it was just the fact that I was out on my own in a new place, but a wave of happiness swelled over me. It had been forever since I had felt so awake and alert. I had a permanent smile on my face.

On the last night that I had there, I was completely content with just taking it easy, so I jumped into bed and listened to music, starting to drift off, when the door opened. One of the girls that was staying in the room peeked her head in and we both said hi. I still hadn't said a single word to these girls. We sat there in silence as I listened to my music, but as she kept looking around the room with a bored face, I felt like being social and started up talking to her. Her english was a little broken, but it didn't really matter because I could still see how absolutely beautiful she was. I was already kicking myself for not talking to her sooner. She was really nice and reached into a bag she had and offered me a wine cooler. Surely.

It turns out that all three of the girls were getting really bored in the town and were looking for a fun night out. Apparently they thought I was going to help them out with that, so I thought I'd give it a try. It really isn't hard to find something to do in our part of town: Kings Cross.

It used to be a nice part of town, evidenced by the Ferrari and Maserati dealerships right next to our hostel, but in recent years, it's become known as the red light district throughout Sydney. You walk up the main street from our hostel and not more than 200 yards away, you hit the gigantic Coca-Cola sign, a pre-requisite for any large city in the world. If you turn right, that's the gay district. Not what I said, it's basically advertised as such. Even if you just walk down the street, it's pretty much assumed that you're gay, something I found out from all the glances I got. If you turn left at the big sign, that's where you find the strip clubs, hookers, sex shops and a really good fruit and yogurt stand.

The girls wanted to go dancing so we found a nice club and settled in and started having a few drinks. We were talking and laughing and having an awesome time. I could tell that one of the girls kinda liked me, so when they wanted to get up and dance, even though every past experience in my life was telling me "no", the look on her face said "yes". I got up and we started dacing around like idiots, or at least I looked like an idiot, and they looked like idiots because they were with me, but after a few songs, the girl that seemed to like me (her name is Frida by the way) and I started dancing together and after a while, we were making out like a couple of little kids getting their first kiss (though I hope it was a lot more graceful).

For the rest of the night, we were inseperable. After we left the club, and were walking back, we were talking shit and everything each of us said always seemed to make the other laugh hysterically. We all got a snack and walked back to the hostel, and while the other girls went inside to go to bed and talk to guys in the common room, Frida and I stayed outside and watched the hookers as they came back from their night out. They looked exhausted and spent, yet even right in front of our eyes, more guys would pick them up. It was disgusting and embarassing and funny as hell. We sat there outside until the sun came up (which wasn't really that long at all) and then went in to bed.

The next morning, we had to be checked out by 10, so we didn't get much sleep. My mind was still gone, and I was slightly tipsy from the night before, but I still had a huge smile on my face. Frida's whole family also had to be checked out that morning to go to another hotel in town, and since my flight left late that night, they were nice enough to let me hang out with them for the day. I can't explain how much fun it was, especially with their father's extremely broken english: "I will move you". When it came time to leave, I was just sick and tired of goodbyes. I'd said too many of them on the trip, and I never wanted to say it to any of the people I'd met, but I guess I had to get back to Byron and get on with it.

Part 3: Boxing Day and the Move Across Town

Since I put up part 2, I've been sleeplessly spending the last couple days trying to figure out what Boxing Day is, only to find out that it has nothing to do with underwear, sports, dogs OR kangaroos. But it did herald in the arrival of Dylan, after his long journey home; through the mountains of Colorado, over the Pass of Eisengard, battling against orcs all the way, and back home to Sydney. It was a triumphant return, and we celebrated by drinking a lot, again, and having a barbecue, the first proper one that I had had since I got to Australia. All the relatives from Christmas Eve were there again, so I chatted with them a lot, especially his aunt that hardly speaks a word of english, but they were trying to get me to talk to her in German once they found out that I "could". I talked to her for about 5 minutes straight in German, then collapsed on the floor in a heap. It was probably the most continuous German I've ever spoken, even after staying in Germany for a month straight.

We spent the rest of the day kicking back and watching cricket (and I snuck in some american football to blow their minds), then once all the relatives had left we opened presents and started watching Lost from season 1, episode 1, so now I have to see the rest. Damn them.

Then, the next morning, it was time for me to ove across town to my backpackers hostel. They kept insisting that I could stay there for the rest of the trip, but I figured it'd be best to break out and see the city more, even though I'll probably get back and visit them in the future. I hopped a bus into the city and got to my hostel around midday, then immediately set back out. I figured the most logical place to go was the Sydney Opera House, so I walked over that way. This place is beautiful, by the way, if you've never seen it, which kinda surprised me that there wasn't more tourists packed in around there.

I took a couple laps around it, and went inside, but I was too cheap to pay for the tour just to see the concert hall. Instead I spent my money on a nice cold beer at a cafe by the opera house and sat there, taking in the sight of the opera house and the harbour bridge.

Once again feeling slightly disappointed that beer doesn't affect me here, I sauntered off to the botanical gardens to wander through the shade on a hot hot day. The botanical gardens were big and beautiful. Hundreds of plants and flowers from all over the world line both sides of the path, and there's lots of wildlife living in there too. Especially bats. The only thing that really comes to mind is Batman Begins, when he goes into the cave and all the bats circle around him. Of course that didn't happen, but I'd guess there was probably about twice that many bats in the Gardens. There was also a skywriter flying far overhead who wrote SAGEM in the sky. I don't know what it meant really, but I suddenly had the urge to pull down my pants some.

After the Gardens had worn thin on me, I skipped across town to the Queen Victoria Building to do some shopping. Really, though, the 5-story tall QVB is just one part of this gigantic shopping center, that then goes underground and connect to other buildings and food courts, which will take you halfway across town. Shopping is one thing that Sydney got right. I eventually even found my way over to Chinatown where I found some dirt cheap clothes (which ironically enough were probably made in China by underpaid workers... does anyone see the problem with that?) and went down the main restaurant strip. I absolutely love chinese food, so my tastebuds were jumping as I walked through, smelling the smells. I steeles down to eat outside and ordered some BBQ duck. Mmmm... exquisite. They really know how to make chinese food in Chinatown. And you can quote me on that.

I started walking back to my hostel, and realized that I had done all that, and it was still only 7 o'clock. I had a little time to kill, so as I was walking back, I saw a table set up outside of a grocery store. I walked straight past it, but as I glanced back a little, I saw that it was Scientologists, giving people free stress tests. I don't know how there wasn't a wait... it's free, people! but I thought I'd have a little fun, so I went and sat down and introduced myself. The guy hands me two metal cylinders, which look like pop cans without any labels.

"Alright, Paul, I'm gonna ask you some questions, and you can take a while to answer, but these will give me a readout of how you're feeling about what I ask." Simple enough. "Do you have a girlfriend?" BAM! This guy doesn't mess around. I lift my ass up and fix my shorts, and the meter jumps. "Whoa! That's stress right there!" I settle in, and answer his questions, and for the next 5 minutes, the needle doesn't move at all. He keeps asking me more questions about girls, trying to invoke a response, but nothing. Then I start to get a little bored, and I start to move the little cans further apart, then closer to each other, trying not to let them hit, and the needle starts jumping with my rhythm. Now I get it.

So in the end, he tells me I don't have very much stress (though he somehow predicted I had an IQ of 125), but if I'd like, I could still buy the book Dianetics for just $16. I was actually kinda tempted just because it was the cheapest book that I'd seen since coming to Australia, but in the end, I declined and walked away.

I swung by the hostel to take a quick shower, then went and saw Babel. It was pretty good, and if I haven't said it before, Australian movie theaters beat the hell out of American ones. I got back to the hostel late, and found three beautiful girls sleeping in the beds around me...

Part 2: Christmas Day

I'm sorry about that last post. I tried my best, but it'd pretty much impossible to recreate the insanity of that night in writing. At least the next day was a little more calm...

Everyone got up late the next morning. It seemed that I was the only one that wasn't nursing a hangover (hahahahaha!) so everyone wanted to take it easy. Dylan's mom Julia had a plan to take me over the Bondi Beach (probably the most famous beach in Australia) and then to Waverly Cemetery. Despite pleas from Myles and his father trying to get her not to take me to the cemetery, I thought it sounded like a fine, relaxing way to spend a Christmas. Julia and I packed up some sandwiches using leftovers from the night before and set out around midday to get to Bondi.

I wasn't really sure what a beach would look like on Christmas day, but when we rounded the corner into town, the beach was absolutely crawling with backpackers, and these damn, creepy street performers dressed up as bugs.













We stood there people-watching for a good long while, talking about life, love and The Pursuit of Happyness, grabbed a cup of coffee at Segafredo and kept walking around, where we ran into an awesome graffiti wall, with hundreds of safe sex paintings, and one very cool hot dog on it. I started to realize how cool it was that Australia does this sort of stuff for their kids. It looks good and it's educational!

























After we were done looking around, we drove up to the cemetery. I guess there's not really much to say except that it was absolutely MASSIVE. We walked past rows and rows of the dead. Julia tells me that as a way to give the starving artists of the city work, either the cemetery or the families of the deceased would ask the artists to carve out statues for the headstones. Some families even had huge tombs for everyone through the generations, vast caverns made of marble, each one still shining in the sun like the day it was erected.

We sat down on a bench and munched on our sandwiches, looking out on the ocean past all the headstones. Some might find it to be a creepy way to spend Christmas, but it thought it was pretty surreal, and I started to think that maybe I'd rather be there amongst the peaceful dead, than amongst the thousands of kids down below at Bondi.

Part 1: Christmas Eve

I have this idea that sometime in the coming week, I'll recap my entire Christmas vacation right here, but I get the feeling that I'll get about halfway through and give up. It'll probably come mid-sentence, like "so she's spinning around the pole half-naked when... man, this really sucks... I'm bored", so if that happens I'm sorry. The only reason I put such a goal forward is because I had an AWESOME Christmas vacation and so much great stuff happened that I want to share it all with you. Maybe it's best that I just begin at the beginning, with Christmas Eve, and the start of my vacation.

OK, now that I've started, it actually started much farther back. When I was still in the States, I met this guy Dylan from Australia and after some drinks and some talking, he invited me over to his house in Sydney for Christmas since I wouldn't be able to make it back to the States for Christmas. I was really stoked to have somewhere to be, but as the time got closer, Colorado didn't want Dylan to leave, and he got snowed in and couldn't fly out of Denver for a couple days. Since it was such late notice, I had already booked my flight down there, so I had to spend Christmas with Dylan's family alone, who I had never even met.

I wasn't nervous, really, since I had met so many new people in the past 2 months, but I just figured it would be 2 full days of awkwardness before Dylan got back. Not so, dear reader! I had an amazing time with them, and why wouldn't I? They were all so nice and funny. His brother Myles and I are about the same age, and we had a lot in common. His parents were really accommodating and they really did help me feel at home. But no sooner had I even sat down then they started telling me about going to their relatives house that night. We all hopped in the car and started driving across town, the whole time they were trying to describe to me how disfunctional their family was.

They told me about how everyone there were pretty much alcoholics. There's the grandma who digs into the schnapps. The aunt that "molests" all the young men that Dylan and Myles bring over. The grandpa that's 90 years old, losing his hearing, but sticking in there. The Austrian relatives that have no sense of humor, and the little kids that are supposedly little hell-raisers.

But even when I got there, everyone welcomed me with open arms. I sat down and met everyone, and started having a few drinks before we started dinner. I couldn't believe it. It was sooo good. We ate and ate and drank and drank. Instead of saying grace, we popped party poppers, and scratched lotto cards. The food was all delicious, and the potato salad... oh the potato salad. They got me hooked. Then one of their neighbors brought out a couple bottles of wine. They tell me he is THE man to talk to when it comes to wine, and he starts us off with a nice mix of white and red, then after dinner he gets out the Grange. Everyone talks about this like it's the holy grail of wine, but I had never heard of it (me with my extensive wine knowledge). They pour me a little and I go through the steps. Swirl it, sniff it, take the gum out of my mouth... I finally drink it and swish it around and it's delicious. Definitely the best wine I've ever tasted. Then he tells me it's only $400 a bottle. Oh. Good on ya. So that was probably my last brush with wine that good.

After everyone was good and buzzing, we sat down in the living room and started opening presents. It was great watching everyone open their presents. Their grandpa got a cellphone (at his request), then they took the next 30 minutes trying to tell him how to use it, even though he still couldn't hear it when it rang with all the commotion. They even gave me some presents! How nice. I especially liked Dylan's friend Snoop's gift, which was a condom tied to a can of beer. It's really the gift for all occasions.

When everyone was done, the night started to wind down, and slowly people left, including us. I managed to escape with only a minor ass grab from their aunt Marion, and we made it home safely even though half the people in the car were more than a little drunk and disorderly. It was a Christmas celebration to remember for sure. It was pretty much the complete opposite of what I'm used to, but I had so much fun, I'll forgive them for disgracing the true meaning of Christmas. Just kidding. They're Australians. They're there to have fun.

More to come!