We'd all make a face like this...

Kids really do say the damnest things. Today, matt, craig and i took a little trip to best buy because that's what we do, and while we were there i sat down to play one of the games that you can test out. It happened to be ultimate hulk, or something like that, and while you might think it would be stupid, it was almost like the old game rampage, where'd you just run around and destroy stuff; that's it. But while i was playing, this little kid... probably about 4 or 5 comes over and goes "hey mister! whatcha doin?"
"i'm playing hulk, little fella"
"cool! can i play?"
"sure, why not"
So i hand him the controller, and while it was strikingly clear that he'd never played the game before, and maybe never even held a game controller before, this kid runs over and picks up a cop and throws him into the wall, and goes "whoa!"
I'm probably going to hell for introducing him to these things, but he was just too damned cute to deny. So he kept playing a bit, and then gave me the controller again, so i made him laugh a lot by grabbing cop cars or pedestrians, taking them to the top of the highest building i could find, and just chucking them off. Yeah, it's really pretty sick and twisted, but it was fun, and the kid was enjoying it. The game ended for me, though, when he saw the moon on the screen, and told me to grab it. I tried a few times, and then handed him the controller to go at it, and walked off.

MTV News Flash

It's the drop heard 'round the world. Today, the author formerly known as Paul, Carlton Hung, and most recently, "P Sitty" has officially changed his name to just "Sitty".

The man behind the bestselling book "Zen and the Art of Pissing God Off" and clothes company "Pawn Brawn" made the announcment as a precurser to his hosting the "BMAs", which acknowledges the best internet weblog.

"The P was gettin' between me and my writin'," Sitty commented from his bedroom, "This just simplifies things... makes everyone happier."

If you're one of his friends or fans who has already been calling him Sitty, keep doing what you're doing. Sitty says this is nothing as radical as when he made the switch from Paul to Carlton Hung.

"A lot of my peeps on the internet already called me Sitty, but a lot of other niggas just didn't know what to do," explains Sitty. "If I can't change my name every three years without people fuckin' it up, then what's the point in livin'? Dig?"

But that's not all Sitty is changing. "You're gonna see a new air in me, a new swagger. The age of Sitty is gonna be big."

At this years BMAs, Sitty has also gone on to promise $100,000 to the person who can dress the most like a giant panda bear, which he refers to as "the fuckin' fuzziest animal ever." "Imagine a whole theatre full of those bitches. It would be off the hook!" Sitty exclaimed from his homemade throne, composed mostly of balsa wood.

All the final details on the unveiling of Sitty will come to light at the BMAs on September 17th, but in this reporters opinion, don't even tune it, cause this whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.

Break out the champagne!

That's it! I'm done! I got a job! The bowling alley will welcome me into their loving community tomorrow and i'll officially get to wear a chipmunk outfit to advertise family fun bowling. Not really, but i wouldn't complain if i did have to. Man, it was a good day today, though. Acting class was so much fun. We did freakin yoga and hit a paper ball around, among other things. How fucking cool is that? And then in drawing, we just sketched still lifes for an hour and got to leave. Incredible. Sorry for all you people that actually have to work for their credits. Hahahahahaha. Really, though, I'm sorry.

Wouldya look at that?

Today I had an interview at Chipper's Lanes for a job. It went well and everything, and I think I might've gotten the job, at least that's what they were hinting at, but there's still a few more interviewees to go. My favorite part of my interview, though, was when she was telling me about healthcare, and they have a nice package if i wanted to go with that, so i replied "yeah, sure, i'd love to look at your package." Cough Cough. Luckily, the phone rang right after that, so she was distracted, but i think she didn't think anything of it, which is good... obviously. So it went well, and i'll let you all know how it goes when they get back to me.

Hm....

So, what's going on in the world today? Bush is taking time off, Britney Spears is talking about how (thank god) her breasts are getting bigger due to pregnancy, and Lance Armstrong is being questioned about "blood-doping". Good gravy!

The Wake

If you want a head trip, one that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol (but could be enhanced by these), then you should watch Waking Life. I borrowed it from Jen the other day cause i'd heard a lot about it and thought it looked really good, and it blew me away more than anything i've really seen to this point. As if the crazy cartoon-over-live-action visuals weren't enough, the things that they have to say in the movie are mind-changing. Richard Linklater (of dazed and confused) wrote and directed it, and the kid that played mitch in dazed and confused is in it as well, but linklater's work is ridiculous. Check it out if you really have no idea what i'm talking about, and i'm guessing you don't, since i have no idea how to explain it.

Look Up

The weather took a little turn for the worse today. Actually, i love the rain, but it's not really good for my current car situation. I fixed the window the other day, but it's rebroken now, so when i was driving to front range, i had to take the protective shirt down to see out the side window, and all the rain was getting in the car. A lot of it was hitting the door and bouncing in and smacking me in the face with a surprising amount of force too. It was kinda fun, but at the same time, i just want the fucking thing to be fixed.

Tonight was quite an adventure for us all here. The other night, i was using the garbage disposal, and it did it's normal thing, but then it made this huge grinding noise, and shit shot everywhere and then it just stopped working. Tonight we investigated and saw that a spoon had gotten stuck down in there, and we couldn't just pull it out. We tried many different methods, but finally got it out by removing the whole underpants region of the sink and prying it out. The only problem was that we couldn't get it all back together right and now water leaks when we use the left side of the sink. Oh well, maybe now we'll call maintenance.

Today was also good for school. I had my first classes today and they look like they'll actually be a lot of fun. My acting teacher was hilarious, because he was the director of the "clown box" troop that does improv at CSU and he's done a whole bunch of plays and tv and commercials. My creative writing teacher seems to like me too, but since the class is online, i haven't met her yet, but she seems nice enough. It's amazing. In most classes won't even let you eat or drink, but in this one you can masturbate all you want and no one would even care. Amazing i say.

I hope school's going well for everyone else, and have a good first week.

New day

We finally got moved into our apartment. It's wicked sweet. We had to celebrate by getting some corona and coors, and it turned out to be an ok night. I don't know. I had fun at least. We'll have to see what happens when we wake up tomorrow and we finally realize that this is where we're gonna be living for the next year. Then it might not be so cool, but i think we got a pretty sweet set-up. Come by if you're in the area.

Oh boy-ar-dee

Today was funny, and also quite sad. I was helping my dad set up his new ipod because he couldn't figure it out. It's fine that he couldn't get it, but he needs to work on some of his technological lingo. Here was some of my favorite quotes of his from today:

"I think my pod is broken."
"I've got company... what the hell does that mean?" (Like "You've got mail")
"That voice sounds kinda british.. don't you think? Or kinda South African."

Pretty soon, you'll be an old bastard too

I was right earlier. The day was just beginning, and it ended in grand fashion. The concert tonight was amazing. Even the nary talked about Ben Lee rocked his little head off (i'm serious, he was a little dude, ask sara) and Rufus Wainright, while having slower songs, which almost killed me and sara being low on sleep had a lot of finesse. He might owe some of it to the fact that he seemed pretty flamboyantly gay, but his voice is pretty awesome. Then Ben Folds took off. The highlights were:

-The cover of a Dr. Dre song from The Chronic, set to full piano and such.
-The sing alongs where he lets you do a melody part for the song.
-When he played Gracie, which is usually a slow song about his daughter, like he was in a hardcore punk band. It was a cool change up.
-Rufus came back out and did a kickass duet with Ben.

We even got free posters at the end. Score to that.

Also, a funny thing happened today. Twice, people gave me the bird while driving, and i feel i was quite undeserving of both. The first one, i had to merge lanes with a biker and at first i was gonna floor it and get in front of him, but then it looked like he was speeding up, so i slowed down and got behind him. I made a clean move and didn't do anything crazy at all, but he flipped me off. Dead serious. Clean move. I kinda liked getting it from him though, cause he put his arm all the way as high as it would go, and then put his middle finger up as high as it would go, so it looked like he was serious about the signal, but that he could also have fun with it.

The second time, i was taking de tour through thornton cause i-25 was closed off coming back from the concert and i got up into a left turn lane behind this dude. We sat there and waited for the light to turn green, and when it did, we both turned. When we finished turning, the dude in front of me was going hella slow, and he started pumping his breaks, and he put on his turn signal without turning. No sooner had i muttered "fucking dumbass, move out of the fucking way" then he threw his arm out the window and flipped me off. Unbelievable. I got over into the other lane and went past him, and we never spoke of it again. Some people.

Good morning, Mr. Jefferson!

Man, yesterday was great. I started off sitting around and being bored, but then i decided to get out and do something so i cleaned my bike and took it for a ride to budweiser. I got my free pop and pretzels and looked around in the gift shop where i got a kick ass hat for $7, and some darts for the apartment. It was a beautiful day and it felt good to get out. The rest of the afternoon i lounged around and got dinner ready.

After i ate, i went over to mitch's house, then ana and amy's house to hang out and dominate in skip-bo. We drank some wine and had some laughs, and all went home happy. On the way back to mitch's house, however, we took a detour and stole the "welcome to likfe after late fees" posters from out in front of blockbuster, so that should make a nice addition to the apartment next year as well. It was a lot of fun, and even though i went to bed at 4 last night, i woke up at 10:30 this morning, feeling quite refreshed without much of a hangover at all.

I felt so good that i went and cleaned my car. I took out 2.3 pounds of trash from the car, and windexed the windows cause there was dog slobber, and probably people slobber and i think some spilled pop all over them. Then I decided to make a cd holder out of a shirt sleeve that i attached to the center console, and it works pretty well for being stapled together. That's about all for today, but the day is hardly over. Ben Folds is tonight, so i can only imagine that the day will only get better.

Shit or get off the pot

Did you ever have those hostess fruit pies (i prefer apple) especially when you were a kid? I used to get one of those damned things every time i went into the grocery store with my mom. Since that time, i've strictly passed over them, once i was thoroughly convinced by my mom that they were unhealthy for you, but i figured that now that i'm a college kid and can rebel against my parents, i picked one up tonight at 7-11. It was like traveling through time. The taste was the exact same as i remember it, and although it's not the greatest thing, it was a delicious treat. Mmmmm.... Pick one up.

Next, i have a question. Does size matter? I mean more along the lines of electronics and technology. Would you rather have the hummer, or the porsche? Both have their perks and follies. Would you rather have the sleak mp3 player or the big boom box that you carry around on your shoulder? I know it's kinda apples and oranges, but it seems like things are going both ways. We're americans and we're supposed to like the biggest shit, but our electronics keep getting smaller and smaller. If world war 3 started tomorrow; the bigs vs. the smalls, which side would you take?

Lastly, this is just a complaint. My dad got an extremely conservative book today, go figure, but it was called "the top 100 people that are ruining america". Just on the cover it has eminem, al franken, barbara streisand and many other famous liberals. I know it's extremely slanted literature, but come on... To place all of the blame on liberals when they're practically out of power is fuckin outrageous. Especially someone like eminem. "He raps against bush, so he's gonna be the first one to cross the river styx."* Give me a fucking break. I'm not saying either side is totally at fault, but like mitch says "if you can't say anything nice, i'll fucking kill you".**


*Not an actual quote from the book.
** For all legality purposes, i do not at all intend to kill anyone.

Check out those mugs!

It always feels good to get out and about. I really don't spend too much time at home, but i always like going somewhere at night. I tend to not care too much what people think about me, and i still don't, but i decided to give myself my bi-annual haircut tonight cause i was getting pretty shaggy.

I told myself i'd take it to the limit and grow it out till i could fro it or put it in a ponytail like a dirty hippie or something, but the fact of the matter is: it looked like shit. And now, since i cut it, it just looks like less of shit, but i don't have to worry about trying to style it in any manner now.

I'd put up pictures, but i don't want to get out my camera and upload pics onto my computer and whatnot. Same old, you know. But the point is, it feels good to have shorter hair, and it was about fucking time, cause i needed to wash it anyways.

28 minutes later

I was driving home from mitch's house tonight and a scary thing happened. I drove close to 2 and a half miles without seeing a single car. No headlights in the distance, no taillights behind me. This was only 12:30, too. It was straight out of a zombie movie. I was just waiting for the freaking zombie dogs to jump the fence by the side of the road and plow into my car. Even the graffitti on the telephone pole by cheba hut said the zombies were coming, so who was i to disagree? Well, unfortunately, nothing happened, and i got home safe. No having to save the day for me. Oh well.

I can still ride a beer after one bike

This past week has been crazy. Well, it's been boring as shit. The really boring kind of shit too. But i think it's the first time in my life where i've had something alcoholic to drink every day of the week. It wasn't always a lot, but it was there. What a landmark. A short list of the stuff i've had is:
5 Pabst
Corona
5 Mikes
2 Margs
Alcoholic fruit shake
2 Car bombs
Key light

Like i say, some nights it wasn't ever more than one beer, and it was never really a conscious decision like " i gotta keep the streak alive", it was just there. Just thought i'd say, since they've found that it was healthy. You know.. i wanted to tell you all how healthy i'm being. But thanks to everyone who helped contribute, and i'll see if i can maybe calm down and save my energy for the first week back at school.

P.S. Please don't comment telling me how you went 2 weeks without remembering what you did at all because you were so drunk. I know my list is weak, but, well... so is my list of other things to post about.

I PASA

So you may have noticed that the NASA shuttle got back to earth safely, and i'm sure it made news all around the world. It's amazing that they now celebrate that no one died, when just a few years ago they were talking about putting people on Mars. i think they still got a long way to go though. just think about what would've happened if the shuttle hadn't made it back. bad news bears.

Paracraps

If you know me, then you probably know that i have a pretty liberal and open view on music, but there's one thing that's been bugging the hell out of me. Now, some of you might not've heard of these guys yet, but this band called coldplay has been taking the world by storm, but my problem with them is that they just aren't that good. At least not good enough to the enormous hype that's been given to them. I'll try to draw this our in a timeline, without much of a timeframe on it:

• Right after Parachutes came out (i think that's which one it was) i read an interview with chris martin in rolling stone where he said that coldplay was "the best looking band in the world". First, he's ugly as fuck, so i hope that's not what he means, and second of all, they weren't in that good of a position at that time with only 2 or so singles on the air. This was just cocky.
• They came out with A Sudden Rush of Blood to the Head and it had another single, which sounded just like the first single from the other cd. Different lyrics, slightly changed piano parts.
  
• They come out with x&y, which is hyped through the roof. Their new single x&y sounds strangely like clocks. Slightly different tempo, slightly different mood, same basic format.
  
• Everyone asks the question "are they the next u2?" Fuck no. Of course the question is hypothetical at the most, but still insulting considering how little they've accomplished compared to u2.
  

Now, let me say this. I do enjoy some of coldplay's music. They have some good singles, but many of the in between songs sound like regurgitated filler. There's nothing wrong with having songs sound the same, as long as the format is good. Green day did it for years, but even they've evolved past it. If you're gonna be hyped as the biggest band in the world, you have to come up with some really original stuff that blows other people out of the water.

A few years ago, Radiohead was hyped as the best band in the world. I totally agreed at the time. They'd paid their dues, they'd sold the albums, and they'd changed their music and the minds of people. This is always what the great bands do. Otherwise, there really is nothing to set a band like coldplay apart from a band like jimmy eat world. They both put out a few cds and have a few excellent songs that get a lot of play time, but where as i'd rather listen more to jimmy eat world, they've just gotten pushed out of the limelight because they don't have egos as big as their receding hairlines. Yeah, i'm talking to you chris martin.

The bitter taste of da feet

I'm going on 19 and a half now, and i've only been away from my family for one out of those years, yet, they still don't seem to know what i like to eat. I'm not a picky eater for the most part, but lately they've just been hitting all the bad spots. For the last two nights they've made pesto pasta with pesto chicken and then a banana squash and feta cheese caserole with a shit load of onions in it. I love pasta, i love caserole, and i love most kinds of cheese as it is, but i hate every single thing that they put in these things.

Then they cut up tomatoes, cucumber and zucchini for lunch and say that that's lunch right there. I hate all those vegetables, so i got out the corn and peas to make some of my own and my dad says "we already got enough veggies here, don't get more out" and i said "but those suck" and he got really mad. I've been this way my whole life and they act like it's news to them. All this is on top of the fact that my sister buys shit like skim milk, tofu, ice milk ice cream, and all that organic shit, yet they won't let me buy novelties like drumsticks and choco tacos that everyone can enjoy.

I never thought i'd say it, but i really want to get to my apartment so i can get away from these home-cooked meals.

Large fry, motherfucker!

Sara (haha, the first time, i accidentally typed SARS, sorry) you've already heard about this, but i thought it was funny enough to share with everyone else. Check out this site and this site. You may have seen the ad on tv for these new chicken fries at burger king, and this is the site that it tells you to go to. There's so many things that are funny about this:

1. You'll see the band that advertises these so-called "chicken fries" wear large chicken masks over their faces.
2. Their name is CoqRoq.
3. They have already sold out, to none other than burger king.
4. Their music sucks (which is more sad than funny), but even the painfully similar slipknot had some musically redeeming qualities.

These people are certainly not concerned with hurting their image. I'm sure you can come to your own conclusions about what life must be like for them right now, so i won't elaborate, but i think it's a striking portrayal of what drugs can do to an individual. No that's not fair, i don't even know them, but if i did, i figure they'd say something like "cluck cluck bakahh!".